What's A Mole?
by greensword101
Summary: <html><head></head>With the revelation that a mole may be among the Team, Superboy can't help but wonder what exactly a "mole" is. Watch as his team try to help him understand what the word means in different situations with hilarious results. One-shot crack-fic. Takes place at the beginning of "Alpha Male" Part of the "Humorverse."</html>


Note: All rights to Young Justice go to DC and Cartoon Network

**What's a Mole?**

"There's a mole among us?" Robin exclaimed.

Only moments had passed when Superboy overheard their team leader, Aqualad, discussing to Batman the possibilities of a traitor on the team.

Obviously everyone got pissed as a result. Well…everyone except Superboy, who didn't understand what the big deal was to begin with.

"Um…Black Canary?" He went over to the older hero.

Black Canary smiled, "Yes, Conner?"

"What's a mole?"

Black Canary blushed. She wasn't sure how to answer the question yet, so she asked Superboy a question in return,

"Are you asking about the animal, Conner?"

Superboy blinked, "Is that what's making everyone upset, an animal?"

"Oh no, no, Conner, "Black Canary hurriedly replied, "The 'mole' you are thinking about is a creature that lives in the ground. I think I've seen some around the Cave's grounds just last week. But there are more meanings to that word other than the animal."

"Like what?" Superboy now raised his eyebrows in curiosity, eager to learn more about this strange and exotic word (in his mind at least.)

"Well," Black Canary explained slowly, "A mole in this scenario is a word to describe a traitor. Your team is upset that there might be a traitor among them and that Aqualad, your leader, kept them in the dark about this piece of information."

Superboy's face suddenly widened with horror. He continued cautiously, "So, does that mean that we can't trust moles?"

"Exactly," Black Canary beamed at her enlightened pupil, "A mole can't be trusted, which is why everyone is arguing non-stop as we speak. Hopefully, Batman and Robin are being the better people by not fighting." Right as she said that, a birdarang flew right past her cheek. She placed a hand over the small cut and grumbled in frustration.

Satisfied with his answer, the clone left the Cave to parts unknown while the rest of his team argued.

Kid Flash and Artemis were the most immature out of everyone, pointing fingers at each other for ridiculous reasons like;

"She's the newest member, what do we really know about her?"

"I bet your big mouth is put to good use in the crime underworld!"

"What kind of traitor wouldn't wear their hair like that? It's gotta be full of secrets!"

"See, now he's stealing quotes from movies! A traitor _and _a thief!"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Robin could be seen yelling-yes, yelling!-his head off at the Dark Knight. Their relationship wasn't great at the moment considering how the Dark Knight only discussed the "mole business" with Aqualad and not his partner/son. All it took was one "Bat-Glare" to throw the Boy Wonder off the edge and go all Jet Lee on him. Usually the "look" would silence the teenager, but this was a move that Batman quickly regretted the moment he found a foot hitting him between his legs.

"That was uncalled for Robin!" Squeaked Batman as tears rolled down his face.

Robin smirked with satisfaction, "No, this is uncalled for!"

And then he scrunched up his face like his mentor and growled,

"I'm the goddman Batman! My favorite color is pink because it's the color of lipstick, and I still believe that the Boogieman is real. I like to hide secrets from everyone because I'm embarrassed about having to go home every night and watch crappy soap operas in a bathrobe and a big carton of chocolate ice cream!"

"Oh my God, Robin!" Batman cried out, "It was just one time! Catwoman just broke up with me! What do you expect me to do, stay in the Batcave?! It was Agent A's idea!"

Robin continued, "I pretend to be a grouchy person, but I'm really a cross dresser that collects My Little Pony dolls because I love the colors. I'm also a wimp because I can't make the Joker stop hurting people. My lifelong dream is to be just like Superman."

That was too far for Batman to ignore, and so he cleared his throat and spoke in a whiny voice,

"I'm Robin, the Boy Wonder. My hobbies are singing in the shower non-stop even when others tell me how annoying it is, imitating cats because I think they're sexy, and vanishing when other people are talking to them. When I started out as a hero, my costume was a lot brighter! In fact, I even wanted to wear panties because I wasn't manly enough to deal with a wedgie when wearing pants, but my Daddy said no!"

"Hey, first of all, it was a _leotard_, not panties! And second off, I never called you Daddy ever! ….Not recently at least!" Robin snapped at the last bit of mockery. But as he finished speaking, his face was glowing bright red. Without even thinking, he threw another punch at the Dark Knight.

And thus, the two threw punches like no tomorrow, so intense was their fight that they didn't notice that the new javelins in their hands were actually Kid Flash and Artemis now. They couldn't even hear the cries to let them go as they whacked each other with their "weapons." Kid Flash in Robin's possession, and Artemis in Batman's.

Eventually, the two "weapons" even began to advise their users where to hit the opponent.

"Go for the head, Rob!" Kid Flash suggested, "He won't be able to block that!"

"He will if you keep spilling it, Baywatch!" Artemis retorted as Batman swung her body vertically, "Ouch! Hey, watch it Bat-brain!"

Meanwhile, Miss Martian went back to the kitchen to make something that would both keep her busy and bring everyone together again (in her dreams.)

Black Canary, Captain Marvel and Aqualad kept on attempting to break up the Dynamic Duo's battle but kept on getting whacked with a Speedster or an Archer.

Even when the young woman resorted to her 'Canary Cry,' it only made things worse as Captain Marvel began attacking her instead, leaving Aqualad alone to stop the Dynamic Duo's fighting before it got out of hand.

It wasn't until a loud squeak was heard that everyone in the room stopped what they were doing. In the confusion, Batman and Robin realized what they were holding and dropped their "weapons" with an unceremonious _thud!_

"Thanks for the warning," Artemis grumbled sarcastically.

"Shh," Aqualad put a finger to his lips and looked into the direction of the noise.

Suddenly, hundreds on little black moles were scurrying across the floor. Artemis and Kid Flash screamed like little girls. Captain Marvel flew into the air so to avoid the rodents, not realizing that they even climbed onto the ceilings until he felt some crawling on his shoulder and proceeded to fly away screaming louder than even Black Canary. Black Canary tried to step on the rodents while Batman kept on restraining her, refusing to let her take even the smallest of lives.

"Not even these things are worth killing," growled Batman.

"They'll kill _us_ just by coming in here if we don't do something," Black Canary retorted.

And Robin simply stood baffled at the sudden appearance of the creatures and finally had the sense to shout above the dim, "Who the hell let these moles in?!"

As if to answer his question, Superboy appeared armed to the teeth with large cages. He leapt from corner to corner, baiting the creatures with chips, candy bars, and anything else that he thought moles liked to eat (considering the fact that he loves these foods.) Each time they came in too close, he closed the gates and trapped them inside. Within two minutes, all of the rodents were locked inside all of the cages.

No one spoke for a minute as they took in the sight in front of them. Finally, Black Canary spoke up,

"Superboy….what are you doing?"

"Getting rid of the mole problem," Superboy explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He leered at the creatures and even rapped on of the with his knuckles, inadvertently pushing it a few feet back, "I'd like to see those supervillains get more inside info now with these things out of the picture!"

"Dude," Kid Flash started, "That's not the mole we were talking about."

"What are you talking about?" Superboy growled, "These things are a threat to security. I'm saving everyone's lives!"

"Well in accordance to 'lives,'" Robin began, "You just made _ours_ ten times more difficult by letting these moles in the Cave. It's gonna take us _hours_ to clean this up!"

"Assuming that I am forbidden to use my powers?" Aqualad frowned. He then gestured to the weapons on his back, the ones that manipulated water.

Robin's face went red again, "Oh…right."

Kid Flash placed a hand on Superboy's shoulder, "Dude that is not the mole problem we are talking about. But now I know who's been stealing my nachos!" And with that, he proceeded to stick his tongue out at the culprits trapped the same page Superboy had just hit.

Robin whispered to Aqualad, "I thought Captain Marvel was the one stealing KF's sn"-

"What he doesn't know won't hurt us," Aqualad whispered back.

Superboy's face frowned at Kid Flash's response, "So I just scared all of these rodents out of their homes surrounding the cave for nothing?"

"Pretty much," groaned Artemis as she rubbed her bruised shoulder, "We are dealing someone on this _team_ being a mole."

"Possibly," corrected Aqualad.

"Possibly," agreed Artemis, "Let's just say that, hypothetically speaking, that _I'm_ the mole"-

"I KNEW IT!" Roared Superboy. He rushed over towards the archer, but was stopped by a Canary Cry.

"She isn't the mole, Conner, she was trying to give an example," snapped Black Canary.

"That's what she wants us to think," muttered Kid Flash.

Black Canary ignored this comment and continued slowly, "We are dealing with a humanoid person. That means that the traitor will be smart and know how to talk like a human, will be around the same height as a human, and know how to speak like a human. The traitor could be right under our noses, metaphorically speaking that it." This was almost as painful as the time when Robin had asked her where babies came from four years ago.

Superboy then noticed something on Black Canary's face. It looked like a pimple, but it was black and had some hair growing out of it. Gross!

Superboy had the feeling he knew what it was, but he decided to let the super heroine come clean herself, "Black Canary, what's that thing on your left cheek?"

Black Canary felt the place that Superboy described and replied, "Oh, it's just a mole that"-

"MOLE!" And with that, Superboy lunged towards Black Canary and began to attack her cheek with a vengeance.

"Thought you could hide in plain sight, eh? Get out of Black Canary before I make you!" Superboy glared at the blemish before him, wishing he had heat vision to destroy the vile creature hurting his friends.

"SB, stop before Black Canary has you arrested for sexual harassment or something!" Robin rushed forward and somehow managed to pull his confused friend off of their mentor. Black Canary sat there looking offended.

"SB," Robin explained, "That 'thing' on Black Canary's face isn't what we are worried about either!" He didn't want to say the m word for fear of another episode.

"Oh," Superboy's face turned an even darker shade of red at this revelation and turned away ashamed of what he almost did to his teacher.

Aqualad attempt to console his teammate as quickly as possible, "Perhaps we should explain this more clearly to Conner, as to help him understand the problem at hand."

Artemis was the first to speak, "One meaning of the word, mole, can be talking the animal. You know, those black rodent that you just locked up just now. They make their homes in the dirt and live off of worms. The only danger they are to us is that if someone were to say, start making a garden, then the moles could potentially ruin the plants by digging and eating the roots."

"Moles are also known to be a type of blemish on the face," continued Robin, "You know, black and ugly looking and make people stare at your face for hours on end. Like this one time, Batman and I were on patrol and there was this thief with this huge-ass mole on his nose. It was so gross, but I couldn't stop looking at it! And then we"-

Batman cut him off, "And a mole in _this _scenario is a _traitor_, not an animal, not a blemish on the face…or any other part of the body, and not to be treated lightly! So now do you understand what crisis we are facing here? Aside from pest infestations that is?"

Superboy nodded, unable to talk due to the embarrassing things that he just did. The mere gesture made everyone sighed with relief. The G-gnomes it had seemed, forgot to teach Superboy the different meanings that one word could contain.

"So," Black Canary beamed, "Is everyone feeling better?" Her smile widened when the team (Batman included) nodded enthusiastically.

"This calls for a group hug!" Robin shouted happily.

"HELL NO!" Artemis and Kid Flash shouted unanimously.

Robin started laughing loudly and managed to get out the words, "Can't you take a joke guys?"

When Batman finally began to fill everyone in on their next mission, Miss Martian flew in with two large bowls floating beside her. One was filled with tortilla chips that seemed to have been homemade considering the warm, salty smell that wafted in their direction. The other contained something green and slimy looking.

"Oh babe," Kid Flash licked his lips with anticipation, "You always know when to come in at the right times."

"All of this fighting did make me hungry," Robin moaned.

"The smell is quite promising," Aqualad agreed.

Artemis slowly made her way toward the food, "Maybe just a little taste couldn't hurt."

"I guess a snack is in order," Batman conceded, his stomach grumbling slightly.

"So what's the green stuff M'gan?" Superboy asked innocently.

"Oh it's something new I whipped up just now," Miss Martian beamed with pride, "I think it's called guacamo"-

Black Canary saw the reaction on Superboy's face and cried out, "M'gan! No!"

But it was too late, Superboy jumped right in front of the large bowl and began to punch green substance in it while Miss Martian looked on with shock and confusion.

When she edged near her friend, Superboy roared, "Stay away M'gan! It could kill you!"

"Guacamole's poisonous?!" Miss Martian became alarmed as the rest of her team started to get splattered with pulverized guacamole.

Batman finally had enough of the nonsense and pulled out a small needle which he used whenever Superman annoyed him. He slowly crept up behind the clone before pressing the sedative into the clone's right arm. Superboy slowed down with the punching and began to sway back and forth like a pendulum. He then fell into the bowl in front of him and got covered with the green substance from head to toe.

"What just happened?" Miss Martian's eyes widened with fear.

"Nothing Miss Martian," Batman deadpanned, "Nothing at all."

Kid Flash licked off the guacamole from his faced and grinned, "You know, despite being splattered all over my costume, this is the best thing you ever whipped up Miss M! Thanks."

"So what happens now?" Artemis asked.

"Back to square one I guess," Robin groaned at the task before them.

The mission would have to wait.

**Thank you for reading. Please review the story, I want to hear your opinion. Let me know if there are things in the story that I need to edit. Young Justice Forever!**


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